Monthly Archives: September 2011

Something I realized at Love Won Out

Hey guys, I know it’s been a while, we’ve had a lot going on in the month of September! At the beginning of the month we were in Houston for the conference, the 12th marked one year since our mom bravely met her Savior face to face, and the 17th my “little” brother got married. It’s been crazy!

This month I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage… =) something I think most single girls of my age find themselves doing with some regularity, but more so for me this month just because of all of the stuff going on in my life.

While I was at home for the wedding Kristin and I were on our way home from Target ( our happy place) we were talking about marriage and I was mentioning some of the fears I have… because I do have a lot of them. Something that’s interesting about being single and 30 with the majority of my friends married and a lot with children is that you get to learn a lot about relationships from the people around you. I have learned some really valuable things from my married friends… one of the greatest being the importance of the marriage covenant and what forever really means, and unfortunately I’ve gained the most understanding of these things from the relationships I’ve seen fall apart. And that is what scares me.

I’ve seen so many people be blind-sided, one minute things are “fine” and the next their worlds are crumbling. In what feels like a blink of an eye, what was a covenant between two people is rendered to nothing, and that terrifies me.

Taking it back to the conversation I was having with my sister in the car, I was telling her that for me… while I do believe that God creates one person for us and that’s an important part of a marriage “working”, the biggest key isn’t in finding that one person (I kind of think if your sole focus is searching for them you’re sure to find the wrong one). I believe that the thing that makes a marriage solid is the covenant you have with God before you make one with another person.  My commitment, my covenant with God is permanent, it’s for eternity no matter how I feel moment by moment, whether or not I understand where he’s leading me or what He’s allowing me to go through, and if that includes marriage then I’m not only bound to honor that covenant in my marriage, my covenant in marriage to my husband should mirror it. That means for me to agree to marry someone, we have to have a firm understanding up front that this covenant we’re making with each other… it stands no matter what and we have to hold each other accountable, because the truth is it’s going to be hard. There’s no getting around that. We’re human, we fail, we wound each other, we make mistakes. But if we believe that God has joined us, then we have to also believe what the Bible says in Mark 10… “… and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Not even us. To throw in the towel is to defy God.

I could not, would not, enter into a union with another person with less than a clear understanding of what forever means between the two of us… and I realize just how scary a proposition that is because I’ve seen the things people have faced in marriages that have crashed and burned. It’s easy to say, on this side of the fence, that that’s the understanding and the commitment I want to have… it would be much harder to honor it in the face of utter and complete betrayal and brokenness, however, I know that it can be done… and this brings me to the title of this blog post.

While at Love Won Out we listened to several testimonies of people whose marriages survived some of the most devastating betrayals, wounds, and abandonment and it got me thinking. Because of my parent’s ministry, I’ve had the privilege of knowing many couples whose commitment to God and one another have stood the test of some pretty extreme circumstances. Men and women who Satan sought to destroy by distorting their identity have found their identity in Christ instead and now they set the example of what a marriage should look like for me and I feel humbled and honored to get to witness it. As a woman, I’ve also gained a profound amount of respect for these woman who’ve I’ve had the honor of being raised around, that have been a part of LifeGuard, my mom included. You are my heroes, I don’t think the church gives you as much credit as you deserve for being such incredible women of God, and I know for certain the rest of the world doesn’t, but I have the deepest love and respect for you because you all give me hope that the type of marriage I desire can be a reality. Thank you.

-Katie

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Headed back to Austin

We’re exhausted, but in a good kind of way. We had a lot of fun and got to spend the day with some really amazing people! More pictures to come!

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On the road to Love Won Out

We’re on the road to Houston! Kristin, Ricky, and myself make a great road trip crew… Even though I am sleep deprived and cranky. 🙂

If you’re curious, it’s not too late to register! Registration at the door is $75!
more info here!

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Don’t judge me, I’m about to quote Eminem…

Cause I am
Whatever you say I am
If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am?
In the papers, the news, everyday I am
I don’t know it’s just the way I am

– The Way I am by Eminem

Everyone worries about what other people think of them… even bad-ass, street-wise, rappers.  You’re probably wondering right about now just exactly where I’m going with this and I’m getting to that. You see, during the process of editing this I was considering some of the challenges I faced as a young person growing up around the controversial issue of Homosexuality.  One of the challenges on the list was ‘what would people think if they knew what my parents did’ and I’ve been thinking about it ever since, because the more I think about it, the more I realize that this isn’t just something I faced as a teenager, but it’s something I’ve faced in every phase of my life.

As a younger person it was definitely a different short of challenge.  If I’m being 100% with myself, there were times when I was a little mortified at the idea of people knowing about my parent’s ministry.  I don’t mean to shock you with this language, but when you’re raised in a household where conversations about masturbation and sexual addiction are commonplace, some days there’s no telling what a random friend might hear in passing or what book they may see on the bookshelf, and then come the questions. I wouldn’t want anyone to assume that my parents were anything less than the soul of discretion, but no matter how careful, there’s always the chance that something might slip. It’s definitely enough to keep a teenaged mind, who’s already concerned with being accepted, in a bit of a panic at times.

Later in life there were times of frustration and even anger as I struggled to really know what I was all about as an individual. I wanted so badly for people to take me seriously, and to be interested in who I was and not distracted by my family.

Mixed into it all was also a desperate desire to defend and protect my family… because as much as I wanted to be “normal” at times, and to be viewed without my family being a reflection on me, I loved them and respected them and never wanted anyone  to think ill of them for any reason.

It can seem overwhelming trying to grow up and facing the natural challenges that go along with that and have family that is a bit of a social taboo as an added bonus.

What I think my parents did best as they saw me through all of these challenges was give me the space to feel what I was feeling at the moment. I never received any type of reprimand from either of my parents, no matter the range of emotion, when it came to how I felt about ministry. Ministry was something we did as a family, but they always kept in mind that this was never something any of us had volunteered for, and so when we struggled, when we fought, when we were afraid or just plain tired, they met those emotions with grace and understanding.

Sometimes it felt like a burden to be a family who was all out there… but when I really think about it, there’s actually a lot of freedom in it.  Do I still have times when I worry about what people will think? Absolutely… for goodness sake, now I write a blog and put myself out there on the world wide web, you bet there are moments of concern.  I work in the fashion and beauty industry, one of the most notoriously gay-friendly industries on the planet, in a matter of a couple of clicks my entire work community could know a whole lot about my life and I have no idea what the repercussions of that would be, so sure sometimes I worry.

The great thing is that, because of the example set by my parents, I know that God will also give me the space to feel what I’m feeling and the grace to move forward. I know that I have nothing to hide from him, that he can handle my times of worry, doubt, fear, anger, or whatever else might come up and I can trust Him, no matter what people might think about me.

– Katie

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