Hey guys, I know it’s been a while, we’ve had a lot going on in the month of September! At the beginning of the month we were in Houston for the conference, the 12th marked one year since our mom bravely met her Savior face to face, and the 17th my “little” brother got married. It’s been crazy!
This month I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage… =) something I think most single girls of my age find themselves doing with some regularity, but more so for me this month just because of all of the stuff going on in my life.
While I was at home for the wedding Kristin and I were on our way home from Target ( our happy place) we were talking about marriage and I was mentioning some of the fears I have… because I do have a lot of them. Something that’s interesting about being single and 30 with the majority of my friends married and a lot with children is that you get to learn a lot about relationships from the people around you. I have learned some really valuable things from my married friends… one of the greatest being the importance of the marriage covenant and what forever really means, and unfortunately I’ve gained the most understanding of these things from the relationships I’ve seen fall apart. And that is what scares me.
I’ve seen so many people be blind-sided, one minute things are “fine” and the next their worlds are crumbling. In what feels like a blink of an eye, what was a covenant between two people is rendered to nothing, and that terrifies me.
Taking it back to the conversation I was having with my sister in the car, I was telling her that for me… while I do believe that God creates one person for us and that’s an important part of a marriage “working”, the biggest key isn’t in finding that one person (I kind of think if your sole focus is searching for them you’re sure to find the wrong one). I believe that the thing that makes a marriage solid is the covenant you have with God before you make one with another person. My commitment, my covenant with God is permanent, it’s for eternity no matter how I feel moment by moment, whether or not I understand where he’s leading me or what He’s allowing me to go through, and if that includes marriage then I’m not only bound to honor that covenant in my marriage, my covenant in marriage to my husband should mirror it. That means for me to agree to marry someone, we have to have a firm understanding up front that this covenant we’re making with each other… it stands no matter what and we have to hold each other accountable, because the truth is it’s going to be hard. There’s no getting around that. We’re human, we fail, we wound each other, we make mistakes. But if we believe that God has joined us, then we have to also believe what the Bible says in Mark 10… “… and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Not even us. To throw in the towel is to defy God.
I could not, would not, enter into a union with another person with less than a clear understanding of what forever means between the two of us… and I realize just how scary a proposition that is because I’ve seen the things people have faced in marriages that have crashed and burned. It’s easy to say, on this side of the fence, that that’s the understanding and the commitment I want to have… it would be much harder to honor it in the face of utter and complete betrayal and brokenness, however, I know that it can be done… and this brings me to the title of this blog post.
While at Love Won Out we listened to several testimonies of people whose marriages survived some of the most devastating betrayals, wounds, and abandonment and it got me thinking. Because of my parent’s ministry, I’ve had the privilege of knowing many couples whose commitment to God and one another have stood the test of some pretty extreme circumstances. Men and women who Satan sought to destroy by distorting their identity have found their identity in Christ instead and now they set the example of what a marriage should look like for me and I feel humbled and honored to get to witness it. As a woman, I’ve also gained a profound amount of respect for these woman who’ve I’ve had the honor of being raised around, that have been a part of LifeGuard, my mom included. You are my heroes, I don’t think the church gives you as much credit as you deserve for being such incredible women of God, and I know for certain the rest of the world doesn’t, but I have the deepest love and respect for you because you all give me hope that the type of marriage I desire can be a reality. Thank you.